for years now, i have been loving all the novels, dramas and films with the central theme - husband & wife. this sensation has become my source of interest as i've always dream about what it is like to live a married life. those days seems far away for me now to be true but it never stop my passion to read or view work of such theme. once a friend said that i like those stuffs simply because i like 'cinta suci'. haha~ perhaps that is true. i am always eager to find out how two people figure out their differences to dwell on together. and now the issue, married because of love or married without love and grow it over time? those are the key factor that made the whole story interesting. it revolves around how two people forced into a loveless marriage and later on they fall in love. it is kind of a cliche actually since malay novels tend to have that as framework for the plot development. nonetheless, i still like each and everyone of them. hehe. yes, they may have the same framework like all hindi movies, but the causes and situations make the difference.

this is not strange because it has been a practice for our ancestors during the old times. arranged marriage is a norm back then. most of the couple barely know each other but agreed to get married and live a life together for convenience and a large number of them stay together until old. perhaps they managed to find love on the way? however, this is rare to be happening nowadays since most young people have the freedom to choose whomever they want to be married to. for many, it is a norm to experience love before marriage. they be friends first, love and then get married. some may stick to the old way especially those who view love before marriage is forbidden. or some simply do not know how to flirt and want to straight away go into marriage. hmmm.. wonder which category i will be in?? haha

some story may have one-sided love meaning that there is only one spouse that really love the other and yet they are not considered as a loving couple since the other side doesn't feel the same way until way later.

here is a number of novels with such theme and they will always be my favourite.

1. cemburu seorang perempuan
- a story about two best friends, zik & dhiya' trying to adjust to their new relationship as husband and wife.

2. angin dingin dari utara
- nabila Amin & nashrique, the two got married without knowing or seeing each other but love each other once they met.

3. the magic of ordinary days
- livvy got pregnant after a one-night stand and her father married her off to a farmer, ray, who loves her despite her condition.

5. perempuan tanpa dosa
- similar to livvy, lily is unexpectedly pregnant before marriage and Rizal became the 'pak sanggup'. the difference from the above novel is that both spouses don't love each other for a while.

6.ombak rindu
- arranged marriage again between taufik and country bumpkin salina to pay his father's gratitude to hers. people deem this one as an all-time favourite and a must-read to all novel readers.

and some dramas and films too.

1. the magic of ordinary days
- the film version of the novel. equally interesting. my all-time fav. =)

2. the painted veil
- a motion picture version of the classic novel where walter marry kitty even though she doesn't love him back. they fought so much and love blossoms quite late. tragic ending.

3. hum dil de chuke sanam
- nandini married vanraj when her heart belongs to other man. vanraj's strong love shown through out the effort of returning nandini back to her lover made nandini change her mind. happy ending.

4. wedding
- Korean drama series in which sena falls deeply for seungwoo and they got married despite the one-sided love. very compelling drama.

5. love comes softly
- recently widowed marty married clark out of survival and found love later on.

6. just married
- arranged marriage through the indian custom and just the insight of what the initial step in living with a stranger during their honeymoon. abhay and ritika learn to love each other in the end.

every one of them are indeed beautiful. you know more? why don't you name them? ;-)

it has been an amazing event held South Africa this year and that is-the most anticipated game of all- the 2010 FIFA world cup. it's all about football babeh! this prestigious event was recently concluded with the team Spain crowned as the winner.

~how i started~
we all have to wait for 4 year to witness all the great teams, players, games and happenings of world cup. indeed world cup is the most anticipated event to the whole globe since it is the biggest sport event of all, even greater than the olympics. i remember my initial exposure to this event vaguely and i was only 12 years old then, where the 1998 world cup was held in france. all i know then was brazil failed to win at the final and the host country was the champion. not really a football mania, i consider myself just a spectator to world cup. having three older brothers have perhaps blossomed the passion of football-watching in me. later on, it grew inside me, this whole football craze.

the next world cup which was held in 2002 by joint host korea & japan was pretty much the beginning for me. i didn't know much about the whole game, not the rules, nor the teams. i just wanted to be a part of the whole football frenzy and blindly followed my friends (at school) rooting for brazil in the final match which end up winning the tournament instead of germany. after that, knowing much more than before, and involving myself a little bit here and there in the English premier league, i realised i don't want to support brazil anymore. haha.. true they are one of the finest and strongest teams in the world but i just don't like their attitude.

thus in the 2006 world cup, i started to have a favourite which was England, resulting from a limited exposure only to EPL. i really put an effort by waking up at the wee hours to watch matches involving england but they never really succeeded. after watching the final match where zinadine zidane gone mad and headed an italian player on the chest, i made a resolution to watch the whole tournament next time and be a part of the whole excitement. i didn't miss the 2008 euro which was equally interesting. then i know which team is great and which team is poor. england didn't even qualify to the tournament hence making me change my support to germany who eventually lost to spain in the end.

~this is for real~
eventually 2010 came and world cup started. i was determined to root for england (again) and germany which appear to be better than the first. in the effort of throwing myself into the whole frenzy from the beginning, i made my own groups standing chart and the knock-out stage chart. when it commenced on 11th june, i was in a course thus i couldn't really watch the early matches. once i came back home, my world cup sensation officially kicked off. hehe..

it was just my father and i who really care for this world cup in the house. i shared all the passion, info, stats and opinion with my father. he asked me to draw the knock-out stage chart and i did. he even hung our board of world cup chart on the wall next to the television. usually that is my brothers' job but since i'm the only football-frenzy child left in the house, it's my job then. haha. i watched some of the games, starting from the third matches for each group that ran simultaneously. thanks to my holiday time spent at home, out of 64 matches, i managed to watch 17. haha, better than the previous world cup and i'm very proud of that.


it is so fun to be able to watch the game from the beginning and experience the excitement, adrenaline pumping, frustrations, anxiety from the actions of 22 men chasing one ball. haha.. i really salute them all for having such skills and able to bring out the power within themselves to make their country proud.

~ups and downs~
to everyone's shock, the 2006 world cup winner italy and runner-up france were both dismissed from the world cup earlier than anyone has expected. they didn't even make it to the top of the group standing. what a shame. portugal-the team with the most expensive footballer in the world- also has sent packing early in the round of 16. it was a one-man show for christiano ronaldo. i enjoy cheering for korea as i've always like that country. skipper jisung really made an impression although they had to head back home early.

all along my viewing of this wonderful world cup, i've been rooting for the unimpressive england (i dont know why i still stick to them) and the strong germany. well, england has not been able to advance to the quarter finals like they used to in the past and i just hoped germany do better. the three lions had been showing less intesting performance and the star players of england couldn't bring joy to my heart. nonetheless, one memorable moment i remember from the game that witness both of my team of choice came head to head in the QF is the denied goal of frank lampard. it was clear that the jabulani ball went over the goal line but the 'superb' linesman didn't see it. it was some disheartening moments for england when germany stole their ball twice and scored. at that point, i could not help hating myself for rooting for england again. hahaha.. i learnt my lesson there. no more england after this. that's that, germany advances nonetheless. it is very much expected for them to win by 4-1. it's a shame that both david beckham n micheal ballack couldn't join the line-up due to injury. it would be extra wonderful to have them on the pitch.



the first QF actually started to twist things around. the favourite, brazil was unexpectedly kicked out of the tournament by the sensational netherlands with the score 3-1. the five-time-winner could not believe themselves to be sent home to south america that early. that particular match turned my eyes to the oranje squad. they seemed to be owning the x-factor to be the next world cup bearer.

another shocking result happened the next day. the deutschland boys really astonished the world when they defeated argentina, the favourite to win the tournament. i was really shocked to see argentina lay helpless in that particular game which ended 4-0. those spectacular 4 goals put lionel messi's face to shame. even him -FIFA's best player of 2009- could not make his team advance to the semi. shame on you, maradona. haha

the 1st semi-final was delightful when the dutch advances to the final stage defeating uruguay by 3-2. it was a good game and diego forlan was playing superbly despite his team's defeat. the match witnessed two fabolous goals scored by the netherlands's skipper giovanni van bronckhorst and diego forlan respectively. i realised that the netherlands own some key players that needed to be watched out namely arjen robben whose skills are impeccable, and also wesley schneijder, one of the tournament's top scorer. on that note, i started to make netherlands my favourite.

the 2nd semi-final was a heartbreak for me as my favourite germany was not even given a chance to touch the ball during that match against spain. they conquered the whole game and advanced to the final with winning over the germans by 1-0. the history of euro 2008 has repeated through this game. once again, the germans couldn't break the spanish wall. i really hate david villa after this game. haha

right before the final, the 3rd placing match between germany and uruguay was held. it was by far the most entertaining match of them all. germany won by 3-2 and that has made my day.

after 30 other teams sent packing, the finalists came to the final stage and i was hoping that the netherlands will win. the game was harsh. there were too many yellow cards given by the referee. i understand the pressure that the players from both team were feeling. it's do or die. there is no turning back. all shots made by the famous david villa didn't score and the same thing happened to the oranje. all of them were putting their hope on robben, my hero of the match. nevertheless, that last minute goal by iniesta turned nightmare to the oranje. they were denied the world cup trophy. although some people might say that the spanish played better and stronger, i still do not want to admit that. i still put my support on the oranje now. and so the Spanish won the world cup. the rest is history. what a world cup!

i really miss all the actions now and really look forward to the next world cup that is going to be held in brazil in 2014. go go Netherlands & Deutschland!!

all along since i first open this avenue, the posts i did were mostly based on my study, the struggles i faced in my training to be a real teacher. there are ups and downs and now, it all has ended. i have waited for a good long grueling tough and wonderful six years to get to the finish line and finally i reached it! i've been waiting since the day i learn ABC, to say this:

I HAVE GRADUATED!! yeeeeehaaaa~

i am of utmost happy to finish this in one piece after surviving typical questions like ''bile nak abes blaja?" and "berapa tahun lagi belajar?". it pays to wait that long. all the hardships, all the tears, all the disheartening moments, all the laughter, all the sweat, and all the memories have made me who i am today. i shall never forget those. the six years of dwelling together with other 48 girls is quite an experience of a lifetime.

however, this graduation that i have been looking forward to the whole time has a price to pay. friendship that i made through out this 6 years span is now put at test. we have to bid farewell to each other. it has to happen in order for us to start a new life. i accept it but let me tell you, it is not easy to be apart from friends that have accompanied me through out the journey. i am really going to miss them a lot.

we have been through all ups and downs together from the first time we met in the maktab back in june 2004, then 2 years of foundation that has been a lot of fun, then taaruf week at iium gombak in 2007 which has been a turning point for us all, then back a year at maktab which i personally hate the most of it but amazingly we survived the journey until mid 2008. and then life turned its course and we have a chance to live differently, more to our liking once we embarked on the journey at iium. it was rather the most peaceful and the most wonderful time we ever had in this journey i think. living in that gombak campus somehow has given us a break that we all deserve from all the sorrow and tribulation experienced at maktab. we began to know more about each other, we learnt more about life and became adults in the process. then comes 2009 where we had to head back to the maktab, much to our disgust, to endure one final year that was tiring as expected. the encounter with the stupid admin really tested us (we are no strangers to all the confrontations). nevertheless, we once again survived with old scar hidden within our smiles. then came 2010, we endured the practicum to get to the end of our journey. we then parted for a month and were called back to live a final life together for three-weeks KISSM (kursus induksi sistem saraan malaysia) back at the maktab and it ended last month (june 2010). it was a refreshing and very nice final moments we had together. look at how far we have gone. how wide we have expanded. how mature we have been. how beautiful all that is.

the 2+1+2+1 years of study has been a headache to explain to people but there you are.

after six years, i noticed that i changed a lot. i have become louder in terms of voicing out my thoughts, braver, tougher (non-literally), more hard-headed than ever, wiser i must say, more rebellious than before, and much more presentable (look-wise). hehe. thanks to all my dear friends, dear parents for your support, and the government for enabling me to go through all of those. *sigh of relief~*

hello there. assalam. annyeong hasaeyo. *practising hangeul back*

wow, it took me 4 months to post a new entry in this avenue. this shall be my first entry for 2010. i was so darn busy with practicum and everything thus i could not make the time to think about what to scribble here. i was pretty much occupied with my final semester. but dont worry people, i'm back now! *jumping around like after receiving the news of the admittance of allowance*

2010 ----> the year that i have been waiting for. the year that i have been looking forward to. this year marks the final year of my study, the year that i will be graduated (in fact, i hv.), and the year that i will start working! yeeeeehaaaaa~

this year is all about transition to a new phase of life. from a student to a graduate to a real teacher. from boundaries of friends to the real working world. who knows what else 2010 has in store for me? *wink wink*

the past one year had been great. there were ups and downs, and all those made me one bit wiser. my long six-years of study is coming to its end in 2010. before 2009 ends, let's recall the most memorable happenings in 2009 that made my year.

1. the births of two cute nephews - Ahmad Faid & Adam
2. three months of wait for my handphone to be repaired.
3. lost my first and beloved digital camera at sungai pisang
4. started this blog!
5. was the Head for Catering Committee at JASA's prog in Pulau Indah
6. Practicum Phase 1 at SK Gombak Utara
7. ain got married
8. stayed for 2 weeks in Kelantan on babysitting mission
9. left iium for my final year at maktab
10. returned to the most spiteful place --> maktab, to suffer more than ever
11. lived in rent house with friends
12. H1N1 fear
13. suspected for dengue --> high fever
14. turned 23
15. touched a snake for the first time
16. doing artwork for folio
17. rode a horse for the first time
18. boarded an airplane for the first time!
19. trip to pulau pinang
20. athirah got married
21. started wearing contact lenses
22. got great result for previous semester
23. drove van for the first time

and that is all i can go for the remaining hours of 2009. it was blissful, it was hard, it was full with hatred and it was a good year overall. i love to cherish those moments forever and anticipate for another wonderful year in 2010!

it is one of the most glorious nights that i can recall as a Negeri Sembilanese. the state where i was born, raise and always love won the Piala Malaysia by 3-1 last night. the victory against Kelantan is so sweet as i watched it with my brother at a mamak restaurant while fixing my laptop. huhu.. it was so cool to have won that. i was not the biggest fan at first, where i only got to know about the news that we were going to the finals about four days ago through facebook. but later as i realised the prestige of the game, i became more and more proud. hehe.. what more can i feel when we won and nailed it? haha.. thank you Negeri Sembilan players for giving us such an entertaining show. despite the rain, you guys nailed it. yeeehaaaa~

alas, i was quite disappointed to see the attitude of Kelantanese supporters. come on, what happen to 'my game is fair play'?? face it. you will be more of a respected person if you embrace the fact that you lose and it turned out that you became just a shame to your state. throwing fire crackers, bottles and lit up fire in the stadium were not good to be happening in a sport even. not to mention a LIVE sport event watched by the whole nation! huhu.. be a man laa.. and the players of Kelantan seemed to take it rough and kept committing foul and causing our player to fell and suffer in pain so frequent last night. that i understand though. at the edge of losing, you really don't care much about the price you are paying.

congratulations and viva Negeri Sembilan players! this victory is such a sweet memory to us, children of Negeri Sembilan. HOBIN JANG HOBIN~

i itched to post an update for this blog but time and responsibilities come in my way. so much things going on, so hectic life. it was crazy dealing with the micro or macroteaching madness, groupwork, visual art folio and what not. plus the craziiiiiiiiiiinessssss of the LECTURERS that we need to handle with thousands of curse and bitter face doubled the reason to not putting me in a state where i feel free to scribble something here. gosh it was d*mn hectic!

place to do my practicum has come to knowledge now and it is situated near durian tunggal. i m looking forward to start the second phase of practicum and i feel scared too. this is one final chance to prove that i m one teacher material and can actually teach and make a difference. pray to Allah that it'll be smooth.

not to forget the money crisis i m facing nowadays. just to add the stress, it is now the time to do my final final exam. it is the real final for this six years of study. three papers down with an understandable amount of anger and relief at the same time. i have two more to go now. hopefully i can do it and not die without trying. thanks to my friends for giving me the chance to sit on it together again and study for the nights of exam. honestly i dont think i could do the exam without them helping. thanks so much dear friends!

this is another post with a malay title. just want to signify how irritated i am with this one thing. funny how you could live with someone who is just not in the same book as you. well, it is definitely for convenience and for the sake of others. i particularly don't fond much on one name that irritates me to the bone. that one name never fail to annoy me every single day. can u imagine spending a lifetime with people like that? *groan*

listening to that one name's voice over and over again really really really irritates me. we are all enduring it for the sake of living this final year peacefully. i'm sick of it and can't wait to escape all these. owh how i hope that i can ditch that one name from my life for good. rimasnye~~~

september 26th witnessed the turning of this 5' 1" tall girl to a new age. being 23 should mean much as i'm a year older to be ready to take on more responsibilities. upon my birthday, i don't really feel much. the number has just added and that is all. nothing really changes save for the environment i am in right now. things are pretty much the same. so little gain. perhaps one gain i got is knowledge. although things are pretty much the same, i should become wiser and more mature in my thoughts, perspectives and actions. the word SHOULD there means rather a suggestion or expectation. it is expected of me to become wiser. it is expected of me to become more mature. nonetheless, am i subject to fulfil all the suggestions and expectations? *sigh* again, i SHOULD be. or as it get stronger, i MUST be.

the age 23 signifies the opening of the real world to me. i'm about to leave this safe sanctuary of friends, campus, and regulations and lead my feet into the real working world. i am a real adult now. soon i'm going to have to make decisions on my own. soon i cannot use the excuse that "i am a student" anymore. what a total change..

this is what my birthday means to me. it certainly does not revolves around birthday cake or candle blowing or fancy gifts. i don't really fond of such celebration for my birthday. if others want to have it on their birthdays, then go on. but to me, on my birthday i'd rather have no celebration at all because birthday marks the coming of more and more challenges and responsibilities. it is enough for me to just receive 'happy birthday' wishes. that is all.

ramadhan just came by and went away from me this year just like that. i didn't feel as serene as i felt last year. it was so-so as i had not the time to perform the terawih and really enjoy the nikmat of ramadhan as my health condition was not the greatest and i was very busy settling my tonnes of work. the change of environment really leaves an impact. i don't really have the heart to celebrate anything here. plus with the bad happenings at the college during that month, there is not much to be happy about.

then came syawal. every eid i hope for a merry celebration. how i believe that it will happen every year.. owh.. it was just a hope because i love to be around my parents, siblings, niece & nephews, cousins and all. it turned out to be the most tensed eid so far. it was not a happy eid for me. tense went around every moment. it was a great deal of stress to my mother, my sisters and of course me. i cannot explain much further but i just want to say that all the tension revolves around my grandmother. people say do not be rude to the elderly, but i cannot help it. i was pushed and tensed. i really wish that all these can be over soon. i don't want to be misunderstood in my own home. i love my family and i am really sick of all the grudges and hard feelings stored deep in the bottom of our hearts. the wish "selamat hari raya, maaf zahir batin" is just a myth in my opinion. it is not really happening so why bother asking for apology? huh..

however, being able to take the annual family portrait is a nice memory though. this time around we are able to gather everyone (17 persons) to cramp into one frame of portrait. i know for sure that it will be expanded real soon. perhaps we can no longer fit into a photo studio after this. haha.. but i was amazed that all the babies behaved and co-operated for the photo shoot. no cry or whatsoever. even eri, my special baby brother was really great and obidient. the arrangement that i had for one year in my head has finally come to life. my mother constantly reminded us that this year has been a time of change to us. half of my siblings are married and they have the other side of family they need to attend to. so from now on, it will not always be the 8 of us during eid.

it was a so-so eid for me. not much duit raya collected as i'm older now. or perhaps they thought that i am working now. wrong, people! i'm still a student.. nevermind though. alhamdulillah for the rezeki i got. let us hope to have a better eid next year. eid mubarak everybody!

about three weeks ago, i was in some sort of dengue drama that made me feel so weak, sensitive and sick. it all first started with a slight fever.then my body temperature get soooo hot (i mean very hot) on the next morning. with the fear of h1n1 pandemic still on, i went to the clinic and i was suspected for dengue. i felt relieved to learn that it was not h1n1 but still worried for i might be having dengue. it is equally terrifying. then i went home and rest. thanks to my housemates for earnestly tending me while i was sick. it does not end there. two days later, the fever came back and i noticed some rashes on my skin. it was a sign for me to go back to see the doctor. then i went back and forth to the clinic for a week. i took 4 blood tests as my platlet and white blood cell count are dropping. i got 3 days of MC (leave) and it was not the very best experience i had in my life. believe me, MC is just nothing to a sick person. i didn't felt better. i was not attending class for 4 days. the wait at the clinic really tested me. here you are, sick, shivering and need to lie down but you still have to get in line and queue for the blood test.

ramadhan came and i went home for holidays. the following week, i got sick once again and lost my appetite. i couldn't even finish my plate of rice and all the dishes my mother fixed. it was very frustrating not to be able to eat when that is what you really need. i really longed to feel healthy as usual. somehow i regained health and got back my appetite after two weeks of sickness. praise to Allah, i am fine now but the experience of sickness really leave a mark in my life. it was nothing really, compared to serious illnneses like heart problem, AIDS, or diabetes. but it was hard for me. i hope to stay fit and so does everyone else around me.

finally! i succeed in making the post date in this template visible! yay!
it took me 3 months to figure out how to show the date. fuh.. its all about the setting. now i can use this layout again. yippie!

H1N1 pandemic in our country is getting very serious these days. influenza A is a lot scarier than JE, faster than avian flu, more hazardous than dengue, and a lot worse than cikugunya.. more death are reported day by day. since i heard the first death, the number is rising up until 18 deaths to this very moment. it's scary. it's alarming. everyone should be very alarmed and should take care of his own health very seriously. there's a death heard last week just one kilometre away from the house i'm renting with my friends now.

it is a scary pandemic but people are not acting accordingly. quoting Mr. Rajendran (my lecturer), "the situation is serious but people are not being serious,". some even have the guts to mock us wearing the protective mask in the public. i'm so sorry to bother about my health and you don't. that's the attitude of many Malaysians on this serious matter.

but be bold. we are reminded not to bother all those silly remarks made by those who couldn't care less. wear a mask everywhere you go. take care of your health. but remember, death will come no matter what. it is destined to happen so, at a time, place and condition determined by Allah. nevertheless, we need to take preventive measures to this deadly flu and pray. may Allah grant us the best of health.

it was such a long time that this blog has been abandoned.. huhu.. pardon me.. not that i got nothing to write, it was just a time when so many things are happening and i got busy and i really need time to sit and think what to deliver here.. the transition of studying place has forced me to take a long pause from updating this dear blog of mine.. so many incidents has happened for the past five weeks..

one important matter is that i have returned to this place at melaka to resume my final year of study. the good news that we all have been waiting for has finally arrived. we got the chance to stay outside of the college! referring to the post entitled "and so we're doomed", i wa cursing that we're told to stay at the hostel but alhamdulillah, it didn't happen. thanks to Allah for granting my wish. =) now we can feel more freedom, have a taste of independence (with a rent house to take care of) and have less to think about the sourness at the college. nonetheless, i still cannot digest the fact that we're back here and no longer in KL.. i miss iium badly.. i hope that my final year here will go as smooth and i hope to excel in this very last studying semester.

i should be saying this in this blog a long time ago. i have left iiu for real on june 1st. earlier, i have posted some entry regarding the fact that i'm about to say goodbye to iiu for my time there is finishing. well, the moment has passed without me having the time to post about it when it happens. now that i have the chance, therefore i bid farewell to my dear iiu.. two years there has been a great experience in my life. i have learnt so much being in iiu..

i appreaciate the freedom i had..

i appreciate the friendships i made there..

i appreciate the peace i experienced..

i appreciate the food i indulged..

i appreciate the opportunities i got..

i appreciate the chances i took..

i cherish the moments forever..

i now say, farewell dear iiu, for real..

the title earnestly does not explain me. hehe.. it's meant for my dear friend, Nurul Ain bt Mohd Mokhtar who have just got married last saturday. she is the first in our TESL cohort 3 batch to be married. it all went so fast, when she announced of her engagement during last Ramadhan. it is very memorable as she is the drama-queen of the batch, the 'gila-gila' one, & the zany one. she did not likely seem to get married early. thus we least expected her to be the first one to tie the knot. nonetheless, JODOH is a pre-planned matter of Allah's business and we have no power neither control over it. it is written that she got married at this age and we are all very happy for her. on saturday May 30th, the akad nikah ceremony has tied Ain to the bond of marriage with her husband. she is married to Mohd Nazri, 29, an engineer. although so many problems occured through my journey to attend Ain's wedding, i made it through. together with four other friends, i boarded from KL to kuantan early in the morning. once arrived at ain's house, we straight away searched for her and found her in the bilik pengantin. to my surprise, she was the most beautiful of her that i ever see. i was startled to see her as a bride and nearly come to tears. she has transformed into someone else that is very mature and more of a lady. we chit chatted for a while before the groom comes to the house. disbelief, happiness and the feeling of amazed all mixed around in our hearts upon watching ain being a bride. she told us that she was very pleased and touched to learn us attending her wedding. the ceremony then went smooth and i got to take some pictures of ain & her husband as the newlyweds.

it is an amazing feeling to watch your own friend on the pelamin and i cannot excuse myself from thinking of my own wedding day. will it happen? if yes, how soon will it be? well, the answers are all in Allah's hand and i wish Ain and her husband a thousand years of happiness and may the marriage always be in Allah's blessings. i'm very hopeful that very very soon, we, the rest of TESL cohort 3 will experience our wedding day too.. hehe.. one married, 48 more to go. =)

perhaps it is quite too late to announce this but since i haven't got the civil time to sit and focus on writing about this, this entry only comes about today. actually, the SOP or ROS has been over somewhat 2 weeks ago. on the 22nd of May, we all gladly bid farewell to the whole school as our internship meets the end. i can conclude that my stay there for a whole month was not the most pleasant that i can imagine. there was a lot of uneasiness, awkwardness and fury felt. yes, i gained a priceless experience there and it was all a preparation to become a real teacher soon. i learnt a great deal of things like how to handle pupils with different kinds of attitude, how to cope with sudden demand from the admin or the colleagues, how to handle stress and how to handle crisis at hand. one important point that must be mentioned is that i learnt about communication and how to work with the other teachers. surely, through out the process, i have been labeled as a snob and all. that's the fate new interns like me had to face, being labeled as snobs whereas we had tried our best in appearing good and warm. that is one test from God that we need to deal with. the only fond memory i got is from my teachings in the classroom. those pupils were the only good thing about that school that i want to remember about. i surely will miss them and hope that they will do well in school and become great people in the future.

finishing ROS does not mean that we're finished with work. right away after 22nd, we all had to struggle in finishing our logbook (the folio) and journal. the journal is meant for everyday log that records the happenings at school. definitely a last minute work, i nearly broke my hand upon writing the last entry of the journal. it was very crazy and the logbook is acceptably thick, even thicker than an engineering book of any type. it was madness all around. i feel so relieved to finish the whole thing and i hope to gain a better experience for phase II of teaching practice, where i will be teaching for real.

i did a relief for Sivik & Kewarganegaraan in a year 4 class, particularly the last class of the batch. i don't have to mention the state of the class as you know that the last class usually is the least smart class and most of the time, the low achievers reside there. i have expected a challenge and the students really lit up my temper. they are sometimes viewed by some teachers as helpless but believing that every child has a potential as given by Allah, i refused to agree on that view. i believe that they are pearls that will shine, provided that the teacher has the patience and will power to stand their attitude and train them to become successful in their life.

i left the class in a fury as i couldn't stand their disobedience. but afterward, things changed 360 degrees. immediately after that class, i stayed in the library and the students from that class came with their teacher. it was kind of tiring to see them again but my feelings of fury definitely changed as some of them sat on the same table as me and start reading from big books. it touches me when listening to the rhythm of them reading. some of them can barely read. they are very slow readers and i dare not to scold them. i can see that they struggled to read but never gave up. i automatically helped them through the reading and asked them to read in front of me. looking at them struggling to spell and read at the age of ten, i wondered how did i end up where i am. i didn't remember of such struggle and felt pity for them. i stayed by their side and attentively helped them read. i totally forgot about how mad i was at them and just felt sorry for them. at that time i realised that if i managed to help them become one bit better at reading, i may have changed their life course. as i mentioned, the one word i teach them reading will definitely make a difference. who knows that those children will be somebody great in the future and it all started with things like what i just did today. i hope that they will not stop trying to improve and i wish for a better future for them.

what happened today has made me become more passionate to work as a teacher. being a teacher trainee i have realised the big responsibility that a teacher has to bear. there is so much a teacher can do in shaping a better and functional generation or in ruining one. and there is also so much that a teacher can create in determining one's future. look at how powerful a teacher is.. definitely, teachers possess the power to change the world..

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not long after the arrival of my first nephew Ahmad Faid bin Mohd Zulhilmi, i received another great news on sunday. i welcome my second nephew who was born on sunday at about 8 pm in Kelantan. my 3rd brother Mohd Tarmizi is officially a father now and can join my other brother Mohd Zulhilmi in the club of nurturing babies. haha.. the cute baby named Adam is the 17th member of our big family and the third grandchild of my parents. i can sense a merry Eid celebration this year full with babies' cry. what a scene to anticipate. =) congratulations to my sis-in-law Noor Syuhada for being a mother. Athirah and Ahmad Faid now has a gang of three to play and cry together. so cute! let's go to jusco to buy baby's products again! hehe

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the school orientation programme at SKGU has been going on for two weeks now. i can't believe that it has been halfway to the end. for the past two weeks, things have been quite interesting actually. i was not as busy as my friends at other schools who had to do more than relief and our actual ROS tasks (which are finding the info about school management and writing daily journal). i can say that i'm pretty lucky to only have to go to classes and do some reliefs and some other small jobs. i'm not as stressed as they are, although i do experience some uneasiness and stress too. as for today, i have been asked to replace absent and busy teachers and teach in the classroom nearly everyday. it is quite challenging to be true, but i like it. i love stepping into classes and interacting with the pupils. and for the record, there was no single day in these two weeks where i didn't enter any class at all. certainly i will be entering classes to do relief and observation. when other friends at other schools are whining about having to do more relief than they think they should, i just smile and say that i'm ok with it. i don't mind to do relief for one whole week. on monday 4th, all the three of us did a massive relief from morning to the afternoon. no doubt it was tremendously tiring, challenging and hard, but i really gained some precious experiences and had fun doing it.

the admin of the school has been giving fair co-operation to us interns. on the scale of one to ten, i can put the school admin and teachers at the scale of 5 in terms of assisting us in this internship. not so much helped got, and not so much warmth felt. just so-so. my Co-operating Teacher (CT) is also the assistant head teacher of the school. you can imagine how busy she is and how much does she really put into this whole thing of assisting me through the internship. the way i see it, i have been the one assisting. i have been covering much for her in her English classes. nonetheless, we keep ourselves going and have been trying to find the info on school management on our own. luckily, i have my mother to refer to since she herself is a headmistress in a primary school. the teachers, at the beginning i thought that they were just wants to shoot us with their eyes but day by day, i realised that they are just alright. only a little few who just can't seem to smile back to us. i don't get their problem. we're just interns and trainees at the school. ape kes nak jeling2?? huh.. luckily i only have to bear with those faces for only two more weeks. lantak ko laa! huhu.. fitting in to the school environment really takes time.

surely it's tiring to go into classrooms everyday and teach subjects that are not from my field (English) but seeing the faces of the pupils, it keeps me going on. the pupils are one good reason to get me keep coming to the school. they are one source of motivation i would say. looking at their faces lit up with the spirit to learn, it really boosted my passion to be a good teacher. i definitely need to learn more on how to handle different kinds of pupil and to best deliver lessons. i like it when being called "teacher" and "cikgu" by those wonderful children. an indescribable feeling rushes through my vains everytime i heard pupils call me those. it's the mixture of disbelief, satisfaction and pleasure perhaps. a big amount of orang asli children are amongst my pupils. it is a pleasant feeling to see them willing to go to school and learn. i have some involvement with the orang asli community in the past and i hope that i can go on with that by helping and educating the orang asli children at the school.

this exposure has given me the real taste of being a real teacher in the future. i certainly understand now that being a teacher is not a child's play. it is NOT EASY BEING A TEACHER. mind you, those who say that teaching is like a piece of cake and look at the teaching profession as a last resort, THINK AGAIN. it is so hard to work as a teacher. you have to think through so many things before you can carry out a lesson and you have to tackle so many problems while ensuring your students understand the lesson. educating and shaping the attitude of today's children are heavy responsibilities thrusted upon a teacher's shoulder. there's a great deal of stress in the journey of being a teacher. i can go on and then it would sound like my LE4000 paper. huhu.. may the rest of this SOP go nice and smooth.