not what i bargained for


so far working life has left less good impact on me. i constantly feel uneasy, stressed, and unhappy when it comes to school related stuff n my work. this early stage of my career seems to be hell for me. tonnes of work are thrown upon me and many are not of any major importance but they turned to be so. the demands of multiple parties give me a headache.

i am still struggling to juggle my work and my private life. i am all over the place. when i calculate my daily time, i have less time to think about other stuffs other than work. when i wake up in the morning, i prepare to go to school. after school, if i ever have the chance i will dose off for one or a couple of hours. after waking up, i merely have two or three hours to mingle with my family, eat and shower. then comes night, i start thinking about tomorrow's work at school. planning for lesson takes longer time. then time to sleep. n then the cycle goes on. tired. i'm really tired. time is what i dont have.

the demand of so many work most of the time hampers me from focusing on my core business, which is planning n teaching. planning for lesson takes more time than other work. so much things to be considered. n to come out with interesting activities for the pupils, i need time to prepare the teaching aids n what not. that i dont have. the time flies by doing other stuff which i dont want to mention here. as a new teacher, i dont have the flow of lesson on my fingertips like the more experienced teachers. that is why they do not have to struggle to prepare their lesson although they have massive workload too. i'm preparing my lesson pretty much from scratch as the preplanned lessons in the teacher's guide are not suitable for my pupils' level of attainment. i wish i had more time to prepare my lessons properly so that my pupils will benefit most from it. it is them that i most feel sorry for. they did not get the best of me in class for i did not have the ample time to prepare. being a new teacher, i am not supposed to be teaching the chalk-and-talk way. it is a shame that my creativity goes to waste.

the other work - some are important and some are just not. being a new one, people are finding a way to release all the burden by handing them over to me. that's life. i cant do anything about it. just begging for sympathy from a few people who understand the burden and are nice enough to give some advice and help. the positive side, i got to learn how to do things, how things work and what not to do. but the demand from the people gets me crazy. this person asked for this, this person asked for that, this person expected me to do this, that person expected me to do that, all at the same time. who can stand that? *faint* no wonder teacher is one of the professions that cause the highest number of stress and worse, depression cases worldwide. i can feel my shoulder aches at this very moment, a sign of stress.

not just the demand, small things like communication with other people, sometimes succeed in giving me headache and heartache. as a new one, i was told not to say NO to people for i need to show that i'm capable of doing things, useful and all good. following that, i tend to keep what i feel upon the treatment i received to myself. those feelings bottled up with time. and i dont know until when i could hold it. some day it will burst. in easier words, i am being bullied. n the best part is, i cant say no.

i dont mind going to school, dealing with pupils of all kind, trying to tend them one by one to make them learn english and more. but the surrounding and some of the interaction with colleagues give me sour feeling. not too long ago, i was used to be the sacrifice of someone else's conflict and i am the victim. i was just doing the job of other's and i got the bad name for that. how nice. i got one label on my forehead now - disrespectful towards older teacher. how nice.

i hate all of this. this is not what i bargained for the first time i decided to be a teacher. this is way out of my hands now. just praying to God that i can handle it somehow and be strong.

fare thee well 2010!!~


i cant believe i only have 6 entries between this and the previous year parting entry. what that marks? of course my lack of focus in my interests and commitment to this dear blog of mine. besides, it's not like there are many people waiting impatiently for my updates. haha.

i want to make this a custom. listing what have happened this year on the very final day to look back at all the improvements, happenings, memories, and the most importantly, changes in my life. it is some kind of a reflection i might say. let us take a look down the alley of 2010...

january: -practicum phase II commenced.
-living in a new renthouse with new housemates in Paya Rumput (the irritating landlady)
-experience life as a teacher
february: -my latest niece was born (Nur Afiqah, my sister's 2nd child)
april: -practicum ended (nice memories at SK Belimbing Dalam)
-cohort 3 farewell dinner that caused so many controversy but i attended gleefully
-parting with dear friends of 6 years (and more years to come, i hope)
-the beginning of house habitation (loafing around, unemployed)
may: -i ruined my sis-in-laws portable hard disk worth of 300GB. just great.
june: -back to the "most memorable" place to attend KISSM
-reunion with my dearest TESL cohort 3 girls, living together side by side in the hostel (sweet memories)
july: -the posting buzz started
-the irritating tmpoint clerk disgusted me over tmnet streamyx matters (remains unsolved until now)
august: -back to iium for clearance
-eyu's shocking news
-one whole fasting month at home (the first since i was 12)
september -hari raya at Pantai Remis, Perak (the first after 31 years)
-the unpleasant days of waiting for posting news
-robe collection (reunion with dearie c3 girls at iium)
-my birthday
october: -CONVO!! (the happiest moments in my life to date)
-posting (the beginning of my profession as a teacher)
-getting used to working life
november: -working hard training the pupils for performance at end-of-year prize-giving ceremony
december: -got my first car! NCL 3508 myvi SXi manual medallion gray. (such an awesome feeling to wake up with my car in mind)
-practised back driving (i'm not that bad after 6 years of halt)
-apath's wedding & kelantan trip (reunion with the beloved girls again)
-rode an intercity train for the first time! (nice experience)
-visited ain to see her daughter iman zihni (chubby cuddly cutey)
-first time getting paycheck (having a hard time managing it)
-purchased my first broadband modem (maxis)
-realisation of ustaz's kabuye prediction to be not happening

there. this and thats of 2010. what a memorable year. let us hope for a brighter future.

p/s: what shall 2011 have in store for me????

fare thee well 2010!!~


i cant believe i only have 6 entries between this and the previous year parting entry. what that marks? of course my lack of focus in my interests and commitment to this dear blog of mine. besides, it's not like there are many people waiting impatiently for my updates. haha.

i want to make this a custom. listing what have happened this year on the very final day to look back at all the improvements, happenings, memories, and the most importantly, changes in my life. it is some kind of a reflection i might say. let us take a look down the alley of 2010...

january: -practicum phase II commenced.
-living in a new renthouse with new housemates in Paya Rumput (the irritating landlady)
-experience life as a teacher
february: -my latest niece was born (Nur Afiqah, my sister's 2nd child)
april: -practicum ended (nice memories at SK Belimbing Dalam)
-cohort 3 farewell dinner that caused so many controversy but i attended gleefully
-parting with dear friends of 6 years (and more years to come, i hope)
-the beginning of house habitation (loafing around, unemployed)
may: -i ruined my sis-in-laws portable hard disk worth of 300GB. just great.
june: -back to the "most memorable" place to attend KISSM
-reunion with my dearest TESL cohort 3 girls, living together side by side in the hostel (sweet memories)
july: -the posting buzz started
-the irritating tmpoint clerk disgusted me over tmnet streamyx matters (remains unsolved until now)
august: -back to iium for clearance
-eyu's shocking news
-one whole fasting month at home (the first since i was 12)
september -hari raya at Pantai Remis, Perak (the first after 31 years)
-the unpleasant days of waiting for posting news
-robe collection (reunion with dearie c3 girls at iium)
-my birthday
october: -CONVO!! (the happiest moments in my life to date)
-posting (the beginning of my profession as a teacher)
-getting used to working life
november: -working hard training the pupils for performance at end-of-year prize-giving ceremony
december: -got my first car! NCL 3508 myvi SXi manual medallion gray. (such an awesome feeling to wake up with my car in mind)
-practised back driving (i'm not that bad after 6 years of halt)
-apath's wedding & kelantan trip (reunion with the beloved girls again)
-rode an intercity train for the first time! (nice experience)
-visited ain to see her daughter iman zihni (chubby cuddly cutey)
-first time getting paycheck (having a hard time managing it)
-purchased my first broadband modem (maxis)
-realisation of ustaz's kabuye prediction to be not happening

there. this and thats of 2010. what a memorable year. let us hope for a brighter future.

p/s: what shall 2011 have in store for me????

family portrait deficiency


no family portrait this year.
for five consecutive years, we have been gathering all our family members to cramp in a studio to have a family portrait during hari raya. but that doesn't happen this year.

for one thing, we haven't had a decent meeting that marks a full attendance.
my brothers & sisters were celebrating hari raya else where (in-laws).
so did us. no one was home at our Kuala Pilah kampung house last hari raya.
we ran away to Perak and celebrated hari raya at my aunt's place due to some conflict with our neighbour. *this is the simplest i can say. any more elaboration will lead to hundreds of pages*

there you go. disappointed to not have a family portrait this year? hell yeah.

to joke around about it, we simply think that perhaps it is because the wall has no more room for another huge family portrait. the previous 5 portraits had taken all the space. what to do? there are so many of us. brothers and sisters only makes 8 of us. haha.. in total, there are 18 members in our family, for now. and the number keeps growing. :)

however i hope that we will have one soon.

*for now i just stare at my convocation ceremony photographs. proud moments that were. hehe

welcome to the school, rookie!


i really have so much to say in this blog but at times i cant organise my thoughts on the spot. and the internet connection has been a challenge for me to be able to update the musings i have in mind. and i have this mood thing you know. i write whenever i have mood. when the mood is not there despite the pouring idea, i will not be writing not even one paragraph. huhu... enough said, i just want to state the obvious.

if you really follow the happenings in my life as stated in fb (pretty much about the happenings in my life or just anyone are available at facebook right? since fb is becoming more and more busybody nowadays.. haha) you will know that i itched sooo much to start working as a teacher. after the tiring 6 months wait, i finally hit the school.

i am now a teacher (although in reality i still need to be verified in my post as a government servant or in simpler words, still in probation, just like the driving license). you have no idea what joy it brings by just saying that. *sigh of relief*

a rookie to be exact. if you dont know what rookie is, allow me to explain it to you in some terms there are in this world we are walking in.

newbie = new ones in the department/school/office/wherever you work
rookie = fresh graduate who straight go to the first job with no experience whatsoever
penyapu baru = quite the same thing. but this label has functions with it. the newbie should (in the oldbie minds) be treated like a new broom, where all the work are pushed to the newbie as they have nothing to do and it will give them quite the experience. to a certain extent, this label gives some sort of permission to the oldbie to rag or as it gets stronger, BULLY the newbie. this is just what i think the label suggests. any difference in definition is welcomed.

that is exactly what i am, minus the treatment i mentioned. i am a rookie in my new school. therefore, some people treated me nice and some people didnt. it depends on how the 'oldbie' or the senior teachers perceive new teachers like me. i have to mention here that i didnt receive any harsh treatment at school as a rookie but going to school during the first three weeks was intimidating to me. i was trying to make myself look presentable, good and useful. i was trying hard to curb any negativity that might come out of me to present a good first impression on everyone, and most importantly to the Headmaster. i also was afraid to annoy or disappoint anyone. i am a loud happy-go-lucky person as my friends knew me but around new people, i am this shy awkward girl who can hardly utter audicable voice. i tried to come early but that didnt work well actually. haha.. lateness, it is in my blood, what to do?? hahaha

despite the term penyapu baru, not really many responsibilities were thrusted upon me last october for it was the end of the year. i just hang out in the staff room staring at meaningless papers while holding my sleepiness. haha.. many of my friends were not as lucky as i was. right away there were thrown so many tasks and jobs to do as their schools were much smaller than mine. my school is a big school with nearly 70 teachers. with that many teacher, not much workload for me to bear really. having said that, i praise Allah. :) but as the days progresses, i got some small jobs like training pupils performances for the prize-giving ceremony and being a class teacher. those were tedious and tiring but at least i got to do something.

as a rookie, it is interesting that i am at the stage where i still look around and try to read the people around me. i must figure out which can be befriended, or which i should stay away from. i gain so much exposure to the real world as a rookie. it is very educational to me to be able to learn people's behaviour and the types of people this wonderful world has. haha.. i am slowly getting the essence of socialising in the real world. surely it is not exactly as i imagined. but still, i am trying to do my best as a rookie. :)

love after marriage



for years now, i have been loving all the novels, dramas and films with the central theme - husband & wife. this sensation has become my source of interest as i've always dream about what it is like to live a married life. those days seems far away for me now to be true but it never stop my passion to read or view work of such theme. once a friend said that i like those stuffs simply because i like 'cinta suci'. haha~ perhaps that is true. i am always eager to find out how two people figure out their differences to dwell on together. and now the issue, married because of love or married without love and grow it over time? those are the key factor that made the whole story interesting. it revolves around how two people forced into a loveless marriage and later on they fall in love. it is kind of a cliche actually since malay novels tend to have that as framework for the plot development. nonetheless, i still like each and everyone of them. hehe. yes, they may have the same framework like all hindi movies, but the causes and situations make the difference.

this is not strange because it has been a practice for our ancestors during the old times. arranged marriage is a norm back then. most of the couple barely know each other but agreed to get married and live a life together for convenience and a large number of them stay together until old. perhaps they managed to find love on the way? however, this is rare to be happening nowadays since most young people have the freedom to choose whomever they want to be married to. for many, it is a norm to experience love before marriage. they be friends first, love and then get married. some may stick to the old way especially those who view love before marriage is forbidden. or some simply do not know how to flirt and want to straight away go into marriage. hmmm.. wonder which category i will be in?? haha

some story may have one-sided love meaning that there is only one spouse that really love the other and yet they are not considered as a loving couple since the other side doesn't feel the same way until way later.

here is a number of novels with such theme and they will always be my favourite.

1. cemburu seorang perempuan
- a story about two best friends, zik & dhiya' trying to adjust to their new relationship as husband and wife.

2. angin dingin dari utara
- nabila Amin & nashrique, the two got married without knowing or seeing each other but love each other once they met.

3. the magic of ordinary days
- livvy got pregnant after a one-night stand and her father married her off to a farmer, ray, who loves her despite her condition.

5. perempuan tanpa dosa
- similar to livvy, lily is unexpectedly pregnant before marriage and Rizal became the 'pak sanggup'. the difference from the above novel is that both spouses don't love each other for a while.


6.
ombak rindu
- arranged marriage again between taufik and country bumpkin salina to pay his father's gratitude to hers.
people deem this one as an all-time favourite and a must-read to all novel readers.

and some dramas and films too.

1. the magic of ordinary days
- the film version of the novel. equally interesting. my all-time fav. =)

2. the painted veil
- a motion picture version of the classic novel where walter marry kitty even though she doesn't love him back. they fought so much and love blossoms quite late. tragic ending.

3. hum dil de chuke sanam
- nandini married vanraj when her heart belongs to other man. vanraj's strong love shown through out the effort of returning nandini back to her lover made nandini change her mind. happy ending.

4. wedding
- Korean drama series in which sena falls deeply for seungwoo and they got married despite the one-sided love. very compelling drama.

5. love comes softly
- recently widowed marty married clark out of survival and found love later on.

6. just married
- arranged marriage through the indian custom and just the insight of what the initial step in living with a stranger during their honeymoon. abhay and ritika learn to love each other in the end.

every one of them are indeed beautiful. you know more? why don't you name them? ;-)

world cup 2010


it has been an amazing event held South Africa this year and that is-the most anticipated game of all- the 2010 FIFA world cup. it's all about football babeh! this prestigious event was recently concluded with the team Spain crowned as the winner.


~how i started~
we all have to wait for 4 year to witness all the great teams, players, games and happenings of world cup. indeed world cup is the most anticipated event to the whole globe since it is the biggest sport event of all, even greater than the olympics. i remember my initial exposure to this event vaguely and i was only 12 years old then, where the 1998 world cup was held in france. all i know then was brazil failed to win at the final and the host country was the champion. not really a football mania, i consider myself just a spectator to world cup. having three older brothers have perhaps blossomed the passion of football-watching in me. later on, it grew inside me, this whole football craze.

the next world cup which was held in 2002 by joint host korea & japan was pretty much the beginning for me. i didn't know much about the whole game, not the rules, nor the teams. i just wanted to be a part of the whole football frenzy and blindly followed my friends (at school) rooting for brazil in the final match which end up winning the tournament instead of germany. after that, knowing much more than before, and involving myself a little bit here and there in the English premier league, i realised i don't want to support brazil anymore. haha.. true they are one of the finest and strongest teams in the world but i just don't like their attitude.

thus in the 2006 world cup, i started to have a favourite which was England, resulting from a limited exposure only to EPL. i really put an effort by waking up at the wee hours to watch matches involving england but they never really succeeded. after watching the final match where zinadine zidane gone mad and headed an italian player on the chest, i made a resolution to watch the whole tournament next time and be a part of the whole excitement. i didn't miss the 2008 euro which was equally interesting. then i know which team is great and which team is poor. england didn't even qualify to the tournament hence making me change my support to germany who eventually lost to spain in the end.

~this is for real~
eventually 2010 came and world cup started. i was determined to root for england (again) and germany which appear to be better than the first. in the effort of throwing myself into the whole frenzy from the beginning, i made my own groups standing chart and the knock-out stage chart. when it commenced on 11th june, i was in a course thus i couldn't really watch the early matches. once i came back home, my world cup sensation officially kicked off. hehe..

it was just my father and i who really care for this world cup in the house. i shared all the passion, info, stats and opinion with my father. he asked me to draw the knock-out stage chart and i did. he even hung our board of world cup chart on the wall next to the television. usually that is my brothers' job but since i'm the only football-frenzy child left in the house, it's my job then. haha. i watched some of the games, starting from the third matches for each group that ran simultaneously. thanks to my holiday time spent at home, out of 64 matches, i managed to watch 17. haha, better than the previous world cup and i'm very proud of that.

our world cup chart

it is so fun to be able to watch the game from the beginning and experience the excitement, adrenaline pumping, frustrations, anxiety from the actions of 22 men chasing one ball. haha.. i really salute them all for having such skills and able to bring out the power within themselves to make their country proud.

~ups and downs~
to everyone's shock, the 2006 world cup winner italy and runner-up france were both dismissed from the world cup earlier than anyone has expected. they didn't even make it to the top of the group standing. what a shame. portugal-the team with the most expensive footballer in the world- also has sent packing early in the round of 16. it was a one-man show for christiano ronaldo. i enjoy cheering for korea as i've always like that country. skipper jisung really made an impression although they had to head back home early.

all along my viewing of this wonderful world cup, i've been rooting for the unimpressive england (i dont know why i still stick to them) and the strong germany. well, england has not been able to advance to the quarter finals like they used to in the past and i just hoped germany do better. the three lions had been showing less intesting performance and the star players of england couldn't bring joy to my heart. nonetheless, one memorable moment i remember from the game that witness both of my team of choice came head to head in the QF is the denied goal of frank lampard. it was clear that the jabulani ball went over the goal line but the 'superb' linesman didn't see it. it was some disheartening moments for england when germany stole their ball twice and scored. at that point, i could not help hating myself for rooting for england again. hahaha.. i learnt my lesson there. no more england after this. that's that, germany advances nonetheless. it is very much expected for them to win by 4-1. it's a shame that both david beckham n micheal ballack couldn't join the line-up due to injury. it would be extra wonderful to have them on the pitch.

frank lampard's denied goal

lampard is devastated to learn that his goal was denied



the first QF actually started to twist things around. the favourite, brazil was unexpectedly kicked out of the tournament by the sensational netherlands with the score 3-1. the five-time-winner could not believe themselves to be sent home to south america that early. that particular match turned my eyes to the oranje squad. they seemed to be owning the x-factor to be the next world cup bearer.

another shocking result happened the next day. the deutschland boys really astonished the world when they defeated argentina, the favourite to win the tournament. i was really shocked to see argentina lay helpless in that particular game which ended 4-0. those spectacular 4 goals put lionel messi's face to shame. even him -FIFA's best player of 2009- could not make his team advance to the semi. shame on you, maradona. haha

the 1st semi-final was delightful when the dutch advances to the final stage defeating uruguay by 3-2. it was a good game and diego forlan was playing superbly despite his team's defeat. the match witnessed two fabolous goals scored by the netherlands's skipper giovanni van bronckhorst and diego forlan respectively. i realised that the netherlands own some key players that needed to be watched out namely arjen robben whose skills are impeccable, and also wesley schneijder, one of the tournament's top scorer. on that note, i started to make netherlands my favourite.

the 2nd semi-final was a heartbreak for me as my favourite germany was not even given a chance to touch the ball during that match against spain. they conquered the whole game and advanced to the final with winning over the germans by 1-0. the history of euro 2008 has repeated through this game. once again, the germans couldn't break the spanish wall. i really hate david villa after this game. haha

right before the final, the 3rd placing match between germany and uruguay was held. it was by far the most entertaining match of them all. germany won by 3-2 and that has made my day.

after 30 other teams sent packing, the finalists came to the final stage and i was hoping that the netherlands will win. the game was harsh. there were too many yellow cards given by the referee. i understand the pressure that the players from both team were feeling. it's do or die. there is no turning back. all shots made by the famous david villa didn't score and the same thing happened to the oranje. all of them were putting their hope on robben, my hero of the match. nevertheless, that last minute goal by iniesta turned nightmare to the oranje. they were denied the world cup trophy. although some people might say that the spanish played better and stronger, i still do not want to admit that. i still put my support on the oranje now. and so the Spanish won the world cup. the rest is history. what a world cup!

i really miss all the actions now and really look forward to the next world cup that is going to be held in brazil in 2014. go go Netherlands & Deutschland!!

and it ended.. finally!!!


all along since i first open this avenue, the posts i did were mostly based on my study, the struggles i faced in my training to be a real teacher. there are ups and downs and now, it all has ended. i have waited for a good long grueling tough and wonderful six years to get to the finish line and finally i reached it! i've been waiting since the day i learn ABC, to say this:


I HAVE GRADUATED!! yeeeeehaaaa~

i am of utmost happy to finish this in one piece after surviving typical questions like ''
bile nak abes blaja?" and "berapa tahun lagi belajar?". it pays to wait that long. all the hardships, all the tears, all the disheartening moments, all the laughter, all the sweat, and all the memories have made me who i am today. i shall never forget those. the six years of dwelling together with other 48 girls is quite an experience of a lifetime.

however, this graduation that i have been looking forward to the whole time has a price to pay. friendship that i made through out this 6 years span is now put at test. we have to bid farewell to each other. it has to happen in order for us
to start a new life. i accept it but let me tell you, it is not easy to be apart from friends that have accompanied me through out the journey. i am really going to miss them a lot.

we have been through all ups and downs together from the first time we met in the maktab back in june 2004, then 2 years of foundation that has been a lot of fun, then taaruf week at iium gombak in 2007 which has been a turning point for us all, then back a year at maktab which i personally hate the most of it but amazingly we survived the journey until mid 2008. and then life turned its course and we have a chance to live differently, more to our liking once we embarked on the journey at iium. it was rather the most peaceful and the most wonderful time we ever had in this journey i think. living in that gombak campus somehow has given us a break that we all deserve from all the sorrow and tribulation experienced at maktab. we began to know more about each other, we
learnt more about life and became adults in the process. then comes 2009 where we had to head back to the maktab, much to our disgust, to endure one final year that was tiring as expected. the encounter with the stupid admin really tested us (we are no strangers to all the confrontations). nevertheless, we once again survived with old scar hidden within our smiles. then came 2010, we endured the practicum to get to the end of our journey. we then parted for a month and were called back to live a final life together for three-weeks KISSM (kursus induksi sistem saraan malaysia) back at the maktab and it ended last month (june 2010). it was a refreshing and very nice final moments we had together. look at how far we have gone. how wide we have expanded. how mature we have been. how beautiful all that is.

the 2+1+2+1 years of study has been a headache to explain to people but there you are.

after six years, i noticed that i changed a lot. i have become louder in terms of voicing out my thoughts, braver, tougher (non-literally), more hard-headed than ever, wiser i must say, more rebellious than before, and much more presentable (look-wise). hehe. thanks to all my dear friends, dear parents for your support, and the government for enabling me to go through all of those. *sigh of relief~*

anyone got a long broom? i need to sweep these spider webs off this avenue..

hello there. assalam. annyeong hasaeyo. *practising hangeul back*

wow, it took me 4 months to post a new entry in this avenue. this shall be my first entry for 2010. i was so darn busy with practicum and everything thus i could not make the time to think about what to scribble here. i was pretty much occupied with my final semester. but dont worry people, i'm back now! *jumping around like after receiving the news of the admittance of allowance*

2010 ----> the year that i have been waiting for. the year that i have been looking forward to. this year marks the final year of my study, the year that i will be graduated (in fact, i hv.), and the year that i will start working! yeeeeehaaaaa~

this year is all about transition to a new phase of life. from a student to a graduate to a real teacher. from boundaries of friends to the real working world. who knows what else 2010 has in store for me? *wink wink*

one last entry for 2009

the past one year had been great. there were ups and downs, and all those made me one bit wiser. my long six-years of study is coming to its end in 2010. before 2009 ends, let's recall the most memorable happenings in 2009 that made my year.

1. the births of two cute nephews - Ahmad Faid & Adam
2. three months of wait for my handphone to be repaired.
3. lost my first and beloved digital camera at sungai pisang
4. started this blog!
5. was the Head for Catering Committee at JASA's prog in Pulau Indah
6. Practicum Phase 1 at SK Gombak Utara
7. ain got married
8. stayed for 2 weeks in Kelantan on babysitting mission
9. left iium for my final year at maktab
10. returned to the most spiteful place --> maktab, to suffer more than ever
11. lived in rent house with friends
12. H1N1 fear
13. suspected for dengue --> high fever
14. turned 23
15. touched a snake for the first time
16. doing artwork for folio
17. rode a horse for the first time
18. boarded an airplane for the first time!
19. trip to pulau pinang
20. athirah got married
21. started wearing contact lenses
22. got great result for previous semester
23. drove van for the first time

and that is all i can go for the remaining hours of 2009. it was blissful, it was hard, it was full with hatred and it was a good year overall. i love to cherish those moments forever and anticipate for another wonderful year in 2010!

hobin jang hobin!!


it is one of the most glorious nights that i can recall as a Negeri Sembilanese. the state where i was born, raise and always love won the Piala Malaysia by 3-1 last night. the victory against Kelantan is so sweet as i watched it with my brother at a mamak restaurant while fixing my laptop. huhu.. it was so cool to have won that. i was not the biggest fan at first, where i only got to know about the news that we were going to the finals about four days ago through facebook. but later as i realised the prestige of the game, i became more and more proud. hehe.. what more can i feel when we won and nailed it? haha.. thank you Negeri Sembilan players for giving us such an entertaining show. despite the rain, you guys nailed it. yeeehaaaa~

alas, i was quite disappointed to see the attitude of Kelantanese supporters. come on, what happen to 'my game is fair play'?? face it. you will be more of a respected person if you embrace the fact that you lose and it turned out that you became just a shame to your state. throwing fire crackers, bottles and lit up fire in the stadium were not good to be happening in a sport even. not to mention a LIVE sport event watched by the whole nation! huhu.. be a man laa.. and the players of Kelantan seemed to take it rough and kept committing foul and causing our player to fell and suffer in pain so frequent last night. that i understand though. at the edge of losing, you really don't care much about the price you are paying.

congratulations and viva Negeri Sembilan players! this victory is such a sweet memory to us, children of Negeri Sembilan. HOBIN JANG HOBIN~

a hectic october


i itched to post an update for this blog but time and responsibilities come in my way. so much things going on, so hectic life. it was crazy dealing with the micro or macroteaching madness, groupwork, visual art folio and what not. plus the craziiiiiiiiiiinessssss of the LECTURERS that we need to handle with thousands of curse and bitter face doubled the reason to not putting me in a state where i feel free to scribble something here. gosh it was d*mn hectic!


place to do my practicum has come to knowledge now and it is situated near durian tunggal. i m looking forward to start the second phase of practicum and i feel scared too. this is one final chance to prove that i m one teacher material and can actually teach and make a difference. pray to Allah that it'll be smooth.

not to forget the money crisis i m facing nowadays. just to add the stress, it is now the time to do my final final exam. it is the real final for this six years of study. three papers down with an understandable amount of anger and relief at the same time. i have two more to go now. hopefully i can do it and not die without trying. thanks to my friends for giving me the chance to sit on it together again and study for the nights of exam. honestly i dont think i could do the exam without them helping. thanks so much dear friends!

rimas



this is another post with a malay title. just want to signify how irritated i am with this one thing. funny how you could live with someone who is just not in the same book as you. well, it is definitely for convenience and for the sake of others. i particularly don't fond much on one name that irritates me to the bone. that one name never fail to annoy me every single day. can u imagine spending a lifetime with people like that? *groan*

listening to that one name's voice over and over again really really really irritates me. we are all enduring it for the sake of living this final year peacefully. i'm sick of it and can't wait to escape all these. owh how i hope that i can ditch that one name from my life for good. rimasnye~~~

one year older

september 26th witnessed the turning of this 5' 1" tall girl to a new age. being 23 should mean much as i'm a year older to be ready to take on more responsibilities. upon my birthday, i don't really feel much. the number has just added and that is all. nothing really changes save for the environment i am in right now. things are pretty much the same. so little gain. perhaps one gain i got is knowledge. although things are pretty much the same, i should become wiser and more mature in my thoughts, perspectives and actions. the word SHOULD there means rather a suggestion or expectation. it is expected of me to become wiser. it is expected of me to become more mature. nonetheless, am i subject to fulfil all the suggestions and expectations? *sigh* again, i SHOULD be. or as it get stronger, i MUST be.

the age 23 signifies the opening of the real world to me. i'm about to leave this safe sanctuary of friends, campus, and regulations and lead my feet into the real working world. i am a real adult now. soon i'm going to have to make decisions on my own. soon i cannot use the excuse that "i am a student" anymore. what a total change..

this is what my birthday means to me. it certainly does not revolves around birthday cake or candle blowing or fancy gifts. i don't really fond of such celebration for my birthday. if others want to have it on their birthdays, then go on. but to me, on my birthday i'd rather have no celebration at all because birthday marks the coming of more and more challenges and responsibilities. it is enough for me to just receive 'happy birthday' wishes. that is all.

what an eid


ramadhan just came by and went away from me this year just like that. i didn't feel as serene as i felt last year. it was so-so
as i had not the time to perform the terawih and really enjoy the nikmat of ramadhan as my health condition was not the greatest and i was very busy settling my tonnes of work. the change of environment really leaves an impact. i don't really have the heart to celebrate anything here. plus with the bad happenings at the college during that month, there is not much to be happy about.

then came syawal. every eid i hope for a merry celebration. how i believe that it will happen every year.. owh.. it was just a hope because i love to be around my parents, siblings, niece & nephews, cousins and all. it turned out to be the most tensed eid so far. it was not a happy eid for me. tense went around every moment. it was a great deal of stress to my mother, my sisters and of course me. i cannot explain much further but i just want to say that all the tension revolves around my grandmother. people say do not be rude to the elderly, but i cannot help it. i was pushed and tensed. i really wish that all these can be over soon. i don't want to be misunderstood in my own home. i love my family and i am really sick of all the grudges and hard feelings stored deep in the bottom of our hearts. the wish "selamat hari raya, maaf zahir batin" is just a myth in my opinion. it is not really happening so why bother asking for apology? huh..


however, being able to take the annual family portrait is a nice memory though. this time around we are able to gather everyone (17 persons) to cramp into one frame of portrait. i know for sure that it will be expanded real soon. perhaps we can no longer fit into a photo studio after this. haha.. but i was amazed that all the babies behaved and co-operated for the photo shoot. no cry or whatsoever. even eri, my special baby brother was really great and obidient. the arrangement that i had for one year in my head has finally come to life. my mother constantly reminded us that this year has been a time of change to us. half of my siblings are married and they have the other side of family they need to attend to. so from now on, it will not always be the 8 of us during eid.

it was a so-so eid for me. not much duit raya collected as i'm older now. or perhaps they thought that i am working now. wrong, people! i'm still a student.. nevermind though. alhamdulillah for the rezeki i got. let us hope to have a better eid next year. eid mubarak everybody!



once a dengue drama


about three weeks ago, i was in some sort of dengue drama that made me feel so weak, sensitive and sick. it all first started with a slight fever.then my body temperature get soooo hot (i mean very hot) on the next morning. with the fear of h1n1 pandemic still on, i went to the clinic and i was suspected for dengue. i felt relieved to learn that it was not h1n1 but still worried for i might be having dengue. it is equally terrifying. then i went home and rest. thanks to my housemates for earnestly tending me while i was sick. it does not end there. two days later, the fever came back and i noticed some rashes on my skin. it was a sign for me to go back to see the doctor. then i went back and forth to the clinic for a week. i took 4 blood tests as my platlet and white blood cell count are dropping. i got 3 days of MC (leave) and it was not the very best experience i had in my life. believe me, MC is just nothing to a sick person. i didn't felt better. i was not attending class for 4 days. the wait at the clinic really tested me. here you are, sick, shivering and need to lie down but you still have to get in line and queue for the blood test.

ramadhan came and i went home for holidays. the following week, i got sick once again and lost my appetite. i couldn't even finish my plate of rice and all the dishes my mother fixed. it was very frustrating not to be able to eat when that is what you really need. i really longed to feel healthy as usual. somehow i regained health and got back my appetite after two weeks of sickness. praise to Allah, i am fine now but the experience of sickness really leave a mark in my life. it was nothing really, compared to serious illnneses like heart problem, AIDS, or diabetes. but it was hard for me. i hope to stay fit and so does everyone else around me.

the date is finally working! hurrah~


finally! i succeed in making the post date in this template visible! yay!
it took me 3 months to figure out how to show the date. fuh.. its all about the setting. now i can use this layout again. yippie!

H1N1: the fear


H1N1 pandemic in our country is getting very serious these days. influenza A is a lot scarier than JE, faster than avian flu, more hazardous than dengue, and a lot worse than cikugunya.. more death are reported day by day. since i heard the first death, the number is rising up until 18 deaths to this very moment. it's scary. it's alarming. everyone should be very alarmed and should take care of his own health very seriously. there's a death heard last week just one kilometre away from the house i'm renting with my friends now.

it is a scary pandemic but people are not acting accordingly. quoting Mr. Rajendran (my lecturer), "the situation is serious but people are not being serious,". some even have the guts to mock us wearing the protective mask in the public. i'm so sorry to bother about my health and you don't. that's the attitude of many Malaysians on this serious matter.

but be bold. we are reminded not to bother all those silly remarks made by those who couldn't care less. wear a mask everywhere you go. take care of your health. but remember, death will come no matter what. it is destined to happen so, at a time, place and condition determined by Allah. nevertheless, we need to take preventive measures to this deadly flu and pray. may Allah grant us the best of health.


eyu and i are wearing masks even in our lecture room.

a long pause


it was such a long time that this blog has been abandoned.. huhu.. pardon me.. not that i got nothing to write, it was just a time when so many things are happening and i got busy and i really need time to sit and think what to deliver here.. the transition of studying place has forced me to take a long pause from updating this dear blog of mine.. so many incidents has happened for the past five weeks..

one important matter is that i have returned to this place at melaka to resume my final year of study. the good news that we all have been waiting for has finally arrived. we got the chance to stay outside of the college! referring to the post entitled "and so we're doomed", i wa cursing that we're told to stay at the hostel but alhamdulillah, it didn't happen. thanks to Allah for granting my wish. =) now we can feel more freedom, have a taste of independence (with a rent house to take care of) and have less to think about the sourness at the college. nonetheless, i still cannot digest the fact that we're back here and no longer in KL.. i miss iium badly.. i hope that my final year here will go as smooth and i hope to excel in this very last studying semester.

farewell


i should be saying this in this blog a long time ago. i have left iiu for real on june 1st. earlier, i have posted some entry regarding the fact that i'm about to say goodbye to iiu for my time there is finishing. well, the moment has passed without me having the time to post about it when it happens. now that i have the chance, therefore i bid farewell to my dear iiu.. two years there has been a great experience in my life. i have learnt so much being in iiu..

i appreaciate the freedom i had..

i appreciate the friendships i made there..

i appreciate the peace i experienced..

i appreciate the food i indulged..

i appreciate the opportunities i got..

i appreciate the chances i took..

i cherish the moments forever..

i now say, farewell dear iiu, for real..