Showing posts with label teacher. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teacher. Show all posts

not what i bargained for

Author: huzaimah Posted under: , , ,

so far working life has left less good impact on me. i constantly feel uneasy, stressed, and unhappy when it comes to school related stuff n my work. this early stage of my career seems to be hell for me. tonnes of work are thrown upon me and many are not of any major importance but they turned to be so. the demands of multiple parties give me a headache.

i am still struggling to juggle my work and my private life. i am all over the place. when i calculate my daily time, i have less time to think about other stuffs other than work. when i wake up in the morning, i prepare to go to school. after school, if i ever have the chance i will dose off for one or a couple of hours. after waking up, i merely have two or three hours to mingle with my family, eat and shower. then comes night, i start thinking about tomorrow's work at school. planning for lesson takes longer time. then time to sleep. n then the cycle goes on. tired. i'm really tired. time is what i dont have.

the demand of so many work most of the time hampers me from focusing on my core business, which is planning n teaching. planning for lesson takes more time than other work. so much things to be considered. n to come out with interesting activities for the pupils, i need time to prepare the teaching aids n what not. that i dont have. the time flies by doing other stuff which i dont want to mention here. as a new teacher, i dont have the flow of lesson on my fingertips like the more experienced teachers. that is why they do not have to struggle to prepare their lesson although they have massive workload too. i'm preparing my lesson pretty much from scratch as the preplanned lessons in the teacher's guide are not suitable for my pupils' level of attainment. i wish i had more time to prepare my lessons properly so that my pupils will benefit most from it. it is them that i most feel sorry for. they did not get the best of me in class for i did not have the ample time to prepare. being a new teacher, i am not supposed to be teaching the chalk-and-talk way. it is a shame that my creativity goes to waste.

the other work - some are important and some are just not. being a new one, people are finding a way to release all the burden by handing them over to me. that's life. i cant do anything about it. just begging for sympathy from a few people who understand the burden and are nice enough to give some advice and help. the positive side, i got to learn how to do things, how things work and what not to do. but the demand from the people gets me crazy. this person asked for this, this person asked for that, this person expected me to do this, that person expected me to do that, all at the same time. who can stand that? *faint* no wonder teacher is one of the professions that cause the highest number of stress and worse, depression cases worldwide. i can feel my shoulder aches at this very moment, a sign of stress.

not just the demand, small things like communication with other people, sometimes succeed in giving me headache and heartache. as a new one, i was told not to say NO to people for i need to show that i'm capable of doing things, useful and all good. following that, i tend to keep what i feel upon the treatment i received to myself. those feelings bottled up with time. and i dont know until when i could hold it. some day it will burst. in easier words, i am being bullied. n the best part is, i cant say no.

i dont mind going to school, dealing with pupils of all kind, trying to tend them one by one to make them learn english and more. but the surrounding and some of the interaction with colleagues give me sour feeling. not too long ago, i was used to be the sacrifice of someone else's conflict and i am the victim. i was just doing the job of other's and i got the bad name for that. how nice. i got one label on my forehead now - disrespectful towards older teacher. how nice.

i hate all of this. this is not what i bargained for the first time i decided to be a teacher. this is way out of my hands now. just praying to God that i can handle it somehow and be strong.
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welcome to the school, rookie!

Author: huzaimah Posted under: , , , ,

i really have so much to say in this blog but at times i cant organise my thoughts on the spot. and the internet connection has been a challenge for me to be able to update the musings i have in mind. and i have this mood thing you know. i write whenever i have mood. when the mood is not there despite the pouring idea, i will not be writing not even one paragraph. huhu... enough said, i just want to state the obvious.

if you really follow the happenings in my life as stated in fb (pretty much about the happenings in my life or just anyone are available at facebook right? since fb is becoming more and more busybody nowadays.. haha) you will know that i itched sooo much to start working as a teacher. after the tiring 6 months wait, i finally hit the school.

i am now a teacher (although in reality i still need to be verified in my post as a government servant or in simpler words, still in probation, just like the driving license). you have no idea what joy it brings by just saying that. *sigh of relief*

a rookie to be exact. if you dont know what rookie is, allow me to explain it to you in some terms there are in this world we are walking in.

newbie = new ones in the department/school/office/wherever you work
rookie = fresh graduate who straight go to the first job with no experience whatsoever
penyapu baru = quite the same thing. but this label has functions with it. the newbie should (in the oldbie minds) be treated like a new broom, where all the work are pushed to the newbie as they have nothing to do and it will give them quite the experience. to a certain extent, this label gives some sort of permission to the oldbie to rag or as it gets stronger, BULLY the newbie. this is just what i think the label suggests. any difference in definition is welcomed.

that is exactly what i am, minus the treatment i mentioned. i am a rookie in my new school. therefore, some people treated me nice and some people didnt. it depends on how the 'oldbie' or the senior teachers perceive new teachers like me. i have to mention here that i didnt receive any harsh treatment at school as a rookie but going to school during the first three weeks was intimidating to me. i was trying to make myself look presentable, good and useful. i was trying hard to curb any negativity that might come out of me to present a good first impression on everyone, and most importantly to the Headmaster. i also was afraid to annoy or disappoint anyone. i am a loud happy-go-lucky person as my friends knew me but around new people, i am this shy awkward girl who can hardly utter audicable voice. i tried to come early but that didnt work well actually. haha.. lateness, it is in my blood, what to do?? hahaha

despite the term penyapu baru, not really many responsibilities were thrusted upon me last october for it was the end of the year. i just hang out in the staff room staring at meaningless papers while holding my sleepiness. haha.. many of my friends were not as lucky as i was. right away there were thrown so many tasks and jobs to do as their schools were much smaller than mine. my school is a big school with nearly 70 teachers. with that many teacher, not much workload for me to bear really. having said that, i praise Allah. :) but as the days progresses, i got some small jobs like training pupils performances for the prize-giving ceremony and being a class teacher. those were tedious and tiring but at least i got to do something.

as a rookie, it is interesting that i am at the stage where i still look around and try to read the people around me. i must figure out which can be befriended, or which i should stay away from. i gain so much exposure to the real world as a rookie. it is very educational to me to be able to learn people's behaviour and the types of people this wonderful world has. haha.. i am slowly getting the essence of socialising in the real world. surely it is not exactly as i imagined. but still, i am trying to do my best as a rookie. :)
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ROS: finished!!

Author: huzaimah Posted under: , ,

perhaps it is quite too late to announce this but since i haven't got the civil time to sit and focus on writing about this, this entry only comes about today. actually, the SOP or ROS has been over somewhat 2 weeks ago. on the 22nd of May, we all gladly bid farewell to the whole school as our internship meets the end. i can conclude that my stay there for a whole month was not the most pleasant that i can imagine. there was a lot of uneasiness, awkwardness and fury felt. yes, i gained a priceless experience there and it was all a preparation to become a real teacher soon. i learnt a great deal of things like how to handle pupils with different kinds of attitude, how to cope with sudden demand from the admin or the colleagues, how to handle stress and how to handle crisis at hand. one important point that must be mentioned is that i learnt about communication and how to work with the other teachers. surely, through out the process, i have been labeled as a snob and all. that's the fate new interns like me had to face, being labeled as snobs whereas we had tried our best in appearing good and warm. that is one test from God that we need to deal with. the only fond memory i got is from my teachings in the classroom. those pupils were the only good thing about that school that i want to remember about. i surely will miss them and hope that they will do well in school and become great people in the future.

finishing ROS does not mean that we're finished with work. right away after 22nd, we all had to struggle in finishing our logbook (the folio) and journal. the journal is meant for everyday log that records the happenings at school. definitely a last minute work, i nearly broke my hand upon writing the last entry of the journal. it was very crazy and the logbook is acceptably thick, even thicker than an engineering book of any type. it was madness all around. i feel so relieved to finish the whole thing and i hope to gain a better experience for phase II of teaching practice, where i will be teaching for real.
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a teacher can change the world

Author: huzaimah Posted under: , , ,

i did a relief for Sivik & Kewarganegaraan in a year 4 class, particularly the last class of the batch. i don't have to mention the state of the class as you know that the last class usually is the least smart class and most of the time, the low achievers reside there. i have expected a challenge and the students really lit up my temper. they are sometimes viewed by some teachers as helpless but believing that every child has a potential as given by Allah, i refused to agree on that view. i believe that they are pearls that will shine, provided that the teacher has the patience and will power to stand their attitude and train them to become successful in their life.

i left the class in a fury as i couldn't stand their disobedience. but afterward, things changed 360 degrees. immediately after that class, i stayed in the library and the students from that class came with their teacher. it was kind of tiring to see them again but my feelings of fury definitely changed as some of them sat on the same table as me and start reading from big books. it touches me when listening to the rhythm of them reading. some of them can barely read. they are very slow readers and i dare not to scold them. i can see that they struggled to read but never gave up. i automatically helped them through the reading and asked them to read in front of me. looking at them struggling to spell and read at the age of ten, i wondered how did i end up where i am. i didn't remember of such struggle and felt pity for them. i stayed by their side and attentively helped them read. i totally forgot about how mad i was at them and just felt sorry for them. at that time i realised that if i managed to help them become one bit better at reading, i may have changed their life course. as i mentioned, the one word i teach them reading will definitely make a difference. who knows that those children will be somebody great in the future and it all started with things like what i just did today. i hope that they will not stop trying to improve and i wish for a better future for them.

what happened today has made me become more passionate to work as a teacher. being a teacher trainee i have realised the big responsibility that a teacher has to bear. there is so much a teacher can do in shaping a better and functional generation or in ruining one. and there is also so much that a teacher can create in determining one's future. look at how powerful a teacher is.. definitely, teachers possess the power to change the world..
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ROS: so far so challenging

Author: huzaimah Posted under: , , , ,
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the school orientation programme at SKGU has been going on for two weeks now. i can't believe that it has been halfway to the end. for the past two weeks, things have been quite interesting actually. i was not as busy as my friends at other schools who had to do more than relief and our actual ROS tasks (which are finding the info about school management and writing daily journal). i can say that i'm pretty lucky to only have to go to classes and do some reliefs and some other small jobs. i'm not as stressed as they are, although i do experience some uneasiness and stress too. as for today, i have been asked to replace absent and busy teachers and teach in the classroom nearly everyday. it is quite challenging to be true, but i like it. i love stepping into classes and interacting with the pupils. and for the record, there was no single day in these two weeks where i didn't enter any class at all. certainly i will be entering classes to do relief and observation. when other friends at other schools are whining about having to do more relief than they think they should, i just smile and say that i'm ok with it. i don't mind to do relief for one whole week. on monday 4th, all the three of us did a massive relief from morning to the afternoon. no doubt it was tremendously tiring, challenging and hard, but i really gained some precious experiences and had fun doing it.

the admin of the school has been giving fair co-operation to us interns. on the scale of one to ten, i can put the school admin and teachers at the scale of 5 in terms of assisting us in this internship. not so much helped got, and not so much warmth felt. just so-so. my Co-operating Teacher (CT) is also the assistant head teacher of the school. you can imagine how busy she is and how much does she really put into this whole thing of assisting me through the internship. the way i see it, i have been the one assisting. i have been covering much for her in her English classes. nonetheless, we keep ourselves going and have been trying to find the info on school management on our own. luckily, i have my mother to refer to since she herself is a headmistress in a primary school. the teachers, at the beginning i thought that they were just wants to shoot us with their eyes but day by day, i realised that they are just alright. only a little few who just can't seem to smile back to us. i don't get their problem. we're just interns and trainees at the school. ape kes nak jeling2?? huh.. luckily i only have to bear with those faces for only two more weeks. lantak ko laa! huhu.. fitting in to the school environment really takes time.

surely it's tiring to go into classrooms everyday and teach subjects that are not from my field (English) but seeing the faces of the pupils, it keeps me going on. the pupils are one good reason to get me keep coming to the school. they are one source of motivation i would say. looking at their faces lit up with the spirit to learn, it really boosted my passion to be a good teacher. i definitely need to learn more on how to handle different kinds of pupil and to best deliver lessons. i like it when being called "teacher" and "cikgu" by those wonderful children. an indescribable feeling rushes through my vains everytime i heard pupils call me those. it's the mixture of disbelief, satisfaction and pleasure perhaps. a big amount of orang asli children are amongst my pupils. it is a pleasant feeling to see them willing to go to school and learn. i have some involvement with the orang asli community in the past and i hope that i can go on with that by helping and educating the orang asli children at the school.

this exposure has given me the real taste of being a real teacher in the future. i certainly understand now that being a teacher is not a child's play. it is NOT EASY BEING A TEACHER. mind you, those who say that teaching is like a piece of cake and look at the teaching profession as a last resort, THINK AGAIN. it is so hard to work as a teacher. you have to think through so many things before you can carry out a lesson and you have to tackle so many problems while ensuring your students understand the lesson. educating and shaping the attitude of today's children are heavy responsibilities thrusted upon a teacher's shoulder. there's a great deal of stress in the journey of being a teacher. i can go on and then it would sound like my LE4000 paper. huhu.. may the rest of this SOP go nice and smooth.


the pupils of SKGU
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ROS commences

Author: huzaimah Posted under: , ,

today i started my teaching practice phase I. it is named Rancangan Orientasi Sekolah (ROS) and designated to be conducted for 4 weeks. it was alright despite the condition of my body, which is in a flu and feverish state. the school which i and my fellow interns (ain & hajar) have been assigned to is Sekolah Kebangsaan Gombak Utara. we met the headmistress, the GPKs, teachers and the pupils too. for the first meeting today, it was just a brief introduction to the school and we just roamed around the school compound to see the environment. the school is pretty wide and she has two sessions, whch are the morning and afternoon session. i felt like lying down, because my head is soooo heavy but i held on and the smiles on the pupils faces really kept me going. i forgot that i have a fever when i step into one class today. only my first day in school and i got to do some relief. haha.. it was fun though. we got pretty much nothing to do despite the fact that ROS interns should always be occupied with jobs. huhu.. i tried to put a good-natured face because first impression is everything. tomorrow i hope more work waiting for us so that we won't waste time sitting around awkwardly in the staffroom. =)
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Bina Insan Guru Camp 2009

Author: huzaimah Posted under: , , ,

after finishing my exam on the 12th april, i got no days to waste. just one brief day off, then i had to attend a camp that combines the module of BTN and module set by the Bahagian Pendidikan Guru (our 'beloved' daddy). it is a kind of BTN camp, but teachers' version. it is a requirement for us TESLians thus no one is excused from it, including the chicken pox bearer Hilwal and the scrutch-occupied Kasyah. huhu.. pity them for having to attend such rough activity with not-so-well bodies. nevertheless, we all went off to the infamous D'Perkasa Camp (formerly known as Rebutia camp) right here in gombak on wednesday. earlier bofere, we had the lecture part at our very own lt3 in insted.

~DAY ONE 15 apr 2009~
on the rainy but not gloomy morning, (cheh ape daa intro mcm karangan form 5) we departed from iium chartering a bus and a van. upon arriving, i sensed that the place is somewhat close to the location where i lost my dear initial camera (sob). it is at sungai pisang. memories of that dear camera rushed into my head and i felt like spurring to the spot where i believed i had lost it and try to relocate it, if i ever get lucky. but nay, that thought is rejected first hand by my friends with the stand that there is no point in doing such action as i got my self a new one and it is not certain that i will find it. plus, following the heavy rain the night before, the stream was going crazy with extra water and rushing current thus it would be very dangerous to get across the river. i came back to my senses after looking at the stream and keep on focusing on the camp instead.

the camp was nice and clean. after some briefing, we got 'checked in' to our exclusive "apartments" (tents) right behind the hall. i was ecstatic to find myself in the tent but most of my friends hated the idea very much. i don't care. i like adventure and have been itching to go camping for quite a time. finally got the chance, felt like jumping. and i did. hehe..

the tent

then we started the modul by some indoor LDK. it was rather usual and we got to sing some nasheed songs which i was not familiar with and after singing them with our own tunes and styles (we turned the nasheed songs to rap, haha), we got lectured for it. duh, you just don't expect everyone to know nasheed songs, especially the latest ones. me, especially. i have stopped listening to nasheed after five consecutive years listening ONLY to nasheed in my schooldays. i do listen to certain songs, just raihan's and hijjaz's. then the core message is about building a righteous character of a teacher. caryying the label TEACHER on our forehead, we are required to bear certain character that is compatible and necessary in doing that. certainly i have pondered for a while about my character as a teacher-to-be. there are some alteration and betterment to be carried out for sure. hehe

for the afternoon session, we had some outdoor activity in the ice-breaking session. we played some modules that required teamwork, thorough thinking and physical fitness. i would like to highlight on the first activity we did which is the going throuh the flying fox trail. once more i got excited and rushed to do it amongst the first ones. before we could actually fly like the fox, we had to climb up some trees and go through some obstacles and it was scaaaaary. scary i told you. the excited me had become scared. i shivered and sweated along the way. it was very high up and we got only the safety hook and some line to keep us hanged on the trees, just in case. i took a long time to climb but when i reached the final section, i became brave and impatient to finish the trail by doing the flying fox. definitely, the feeling when cruising the line from a very high point is indescribable. i was very thrilled to be doing it. it was soooo fun and exciting it got me screaming like a girl. i had never screamed like that in my whole life. my friends got confused and surprised to hear me screamed that girly. haha.. being the least ladylike person, it is less expected from me to react in such a way upon doing the flying fox. huhu.. one friend even joked by saying that to find your real sexual orientation, you got to do flying fox (like i did), haha. just a joke. i know i am a true female through and through and proud to be one. don't worry. haha.. it was a very nice experience. i really overcame my fear and did it.

excited to start the climb


it was so scary, huhu


flying fox


very high up, very challenging

then, we went through the next checkpoint which requires us to swing using a rope and to land on a big tire and we had to squeeze ourselves to stand on the same tire. the 17 of us cramped ourselves on two tires and at that time, no matter how sweaty you were, you just hugged each other to save the team. it was fun and funny at the same time as we are forced to be really close to each other, despite the grudge or the hard feelings we might have for some. huhu.. we were really forced to leave all that behind and start bonding for the sake of the team.

swing like a tarzan, huhu


cramped on


happy after finishing all three checkpoints

we also bonded to do the third task which i am not that ecstatic to talk bout here. huhu.. let's just say that it was a challenge of transferring all the teammates across one small pool using some pieces of wood. it was a tiring day, really. the meal we had were nice and filling. that night, once again we did indoor LDK and this time, we had to compete by building our own university with our own vision and theme by using carrot, bell pepper, kambas, sweet potato and a good amount of candy. it was fun to put our creativity and imagination to test. my group won the competition.

building our dream university


our fancy university with her proud developers


bell pepper mosque (with my contribution, hehe)

afterward, we had to tear up some pinang fruit by only using our mere hands. it was very hard and i gave up. i let my other friends finish it. after some gruesome hour of trying to tear up the pinang clean, we were given one coconut, the ripe one, for real and do the same thing. we were all tired and sleepy but i accepted the challenge counting the fact that i was amongst the ones that know how to tear up a coconut and actually used to do it. not everyone knows and had the experience of tearing up coconut. we fixed the coconut only using our magical and powerful hands until we got the tempurung. my hands definitely hurt because of that. it is crazy though, we i think back about it. one friend pointed out that, that was the outcome of us when didn't get connected to the internet for solid 24 hours.. haha.. and it was also an outcome of holding our sleeptime. we were all very sleepy indeed while tearing all that palm fruits. owh.. the activity was just a symbol to show us that we can do pretty much everything if we really set our heart into it. we then fled happily to our exclusive tents to manage to grab some sleep at last.

the finishing product

~DAY TWO 16 apr 2009~
the next day started with an adventure, namely jungle trekking. as all had expected, we are required to pass through some rough trails and dirty ourselves to the skin. i fancy adventure myself so i just enjoyed the walk through the jungle. but the activity was lacking something. no serious thing that we actually learnt from it especially when it was accompanied by inexperienced facilitators. facilitators, talk about them. i hate some of them. huhu.. before finishing the trekking, we were required to go through an obstacle and note here, i hated it so much. there is no point of us walking through a pool of mud and water, soaked ourselves to the head and crying out our name and place of birth. it was not fun either. the facilitator seemed to have a great time laughing at us and that pissed me even more. i hate it because that activity ruined my shoes, my socks and treksuit. huh. we finishes our trekking with a visit to the river which then has been clean and not really dangerous. we spent some time there cleaning up and having fun 'mandi sungai'. we shared a good time singing some songs, with our voices fighting over the sound of the stream.


in the jungle


me =)


really dirty


back at the camp, we cleaned up and grab some long nap. we all lay down and sleep until 4 pm. i can't believe that we were allowed to do that since we're in a camp and have a schedule to follow. huhu.. it was kind of fun though, to sleep together one batch like that. it was a rare scene to behold. huhu.. after waking up that afternoon, we played some games to make us awake. once again, the spirit of teamwork is called and we had to finish them in the honour of the team. there was this game where we were splitted into three teams and we had to build a country. the mute team was just giving the design of the construction and i, among the normal ones had to order the blind team to do the construction for us. it was pure challenging ordering blind ones to do the physical task as they cannot see a thing. it also challenged my temper and i nearly throwing a fit during the game. finally, we managed to finish the construction although it was really hard. all the games are just a symbol to what we will face in the real working world. as a teacher/goverment servant (the blind ones), we need to take orders from the admin and perform the task. its hard but not much reponsibility. as the admin (the normal ones), we are having the hard time thinking about the order and the challenges. as the policy makers (the mute ones), we can just give the design without the power to say anything. it is up to the admin to manage the organisation. the game really put us into the shoes of different parties in an organisation and we really learnt something from it.

that night after some nice barbecue dinner, we set off for the grand activity, which is the night walk. i like to experience the activity but it never failed to get me shivered. upon thinking about walking in the darkness of the jungle and the fact that many other creatures would be watching us just sent chill to my bones. i felt inferior and kept thinking about Allah's power to create the world and how we should cling only onto Him and believe in His power no matter what. it was very tiring. the very long journey in the dark really got me quiet. i notice that i had never been that quiet in my life. i kept being silent and serious the whole time. we climbed, walked through trees and leaves, and even slid through the jungle dirt to get to the last check point. we end up sitting in the creek, at 3.30 am. i don't have to tell you how cold it was. we got to sujud into the water and do some taubah. we then were required to do some forgive and forget session, and mind you, our feet were still in the water. yes, we did do the part, but do i really forgive and forget? the answer is simple. not really. it is hard to forgive someone in just a flash. it is even harder to forget the deeds. forgiving takes time. it really does. the very cold and freezing session ended at about 4.20 am and i couldn't wait to sleep. we slept right after we reached the camp.

~DAY THREE 17 apr 2009~
the next morning, after sleeping for the second phase (after subuh), we started our module quite late and it was the "menara maruah" challenge. we were required to build a tower from pvc pipe cylinders by stucking them up one by one until it stands up like a tall pole. we had to support the tower by attaching four lines on each pipe and the other end of the lines was hold by a member. all 49 of us were involved in this seemed-impossible mission. i was shocked to see us doing the whole thing. i couldn't believe my eyes that we got 8 pipes up already. by the time to put my pipe, we had some trouble and the tower crashes down before we even got to put mine (no9) up. it was tiring and really challenging though. everyone is crucial in the process and every point of view needed to be considered. different point of views can either secure or break the tower. nonetheless, after only managed to put up 8 pipes, we sit down nad talked about it. again, it was all very symbolic and meaningful. we need to pull ourselves together in order to make things work. i never expected that we could actually do it. therefore, i felt really proud of my friends to be able to make the tower high. good job TESL cohort 3!


the tower in a glimpse


hold the line! keep it straight!


what a scene to behold, seconds before it started to collapse


the three gories, the one who held the base of the tower


for the last activity, we got to one last singing session and this time i kept quiet to respect the songs. we had our last LDK and presented it. all in all, the camp was a success. the modules were interesting and fresh to me. it was good to learn from. i had a good experience during the whole camp. it was fun to have an outing together with my clan like that after a long time. it was sure tiring, and left my face burnt and my skin itchy. i would love another adventure next time and let us hope that there will be no more irritating facilitators involved. haha

the camp is one nice place to take pictures, huhu
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